Run: 15 miles. Actual: 4 miles.
Cycle: 45 miles. A: 0.
Row: 15,000 meters. A: 1000.
Stair climb: 300 floors. A: 0 (I am not counting real-life stair climbing; it has to cause maximum misery, and therefore be in the context of Exercise).
Wall sit: 25 minutes. A: 2.5.
Front plank: 15 minutes. A:2.
Push ups: 500. A: 20.
Superman: 15 minutes. A: 1. If you don't know what the Superman is, here is a diagram. If you picture the figure shaking and sweating, you have a good sense of what it is like when I do it.
In any case, as much as I enjoy discussing my unachievable goals, I lay all this out as an introduction to this Onion article, which made me laugh so much that my poor overworked abs cramped. It is my favorite Point/Counterpoint ever.
A note on the text: it is indeed about Sarah Palin, and I know there is some Palin fatigue out there (I'm looking at you, Drespel). But this is worth it, I promise. It is juvenile and it is cruel and I love it.