1) A big, big win in Kentucky next Tuesday. Ideally, Obama should be limited to no more than 100 votes.
2) Oregon, scheduled for the same day, inexplicably breaks off and sinks into the Pacific Ocean.
3) Puerto Rico, clocking in on June 1, not only gives Clinton a huge majority, but also manages to become a state in advance of the vote.
4) Finally, on June 3 as the South Dakota polls open, Thomas Jefferson’s head on Mount Rushmore comes to life and starts shouting, “You go, girl.”