Tuesday, April 15, 2008

He is gonna throw up on you; or, I love weddings

I don't know if it is because both sides of my family are heavy drinkers or just completely nuts, but family parties are really fun. Last weekend my cousin got married again to the same lady (there was a justice of the peace wedding in November while she was very pregnant). Gussos + lots of New York firemen = big crazy party.

Some highlights:
  • The underly-emotive best man (also my cousin, and also a firefighter) gave the greatest speech in the history of wedding speeches. It lasted less than 3 minutes, started with a compliment that stemmed from him picturing us in our underwear, and ended with, "So Amanda, if you're ever in a boat with Doug, fishing or whatever, watch out, because he is gonna throw up on you."
  • The bride and groom TOTALLY MADE OUT during their first dance.
  • My aunt did the worm on the floor, and, along with my 11 year old cousin, knew every word to the nasty ass rap songs that I thought were kind of awkward to play at a wedding.
  • My other aunt, who smoked from ages 15 to 68 and who two years ago couldn't get out of her car without gasping, danced her booty off all night. My mom, who has some foot issue going on, got intoxicated enough that she too could dance her booty off.
  • We had drinking races out of the centerpieces, and did a group round of Kamikaze shots. If you think this is weird, you are clearly not a Gusso.
  • My uncle only tortured my boyfriend for being a hippie for a little while.
  • We told stories about my grandma, but so far as I know, no one cried. That's a first time, folks!
  • I found out I really like my cousin's new husband, whom I judge harshly because he is a 23 year old mortician. She, however, is a straight rugby player, so I guess you never really know.
  • At the end of the night, we made the bartenders honorary Gussos. They then gave us bottles of beer to take back to our hotel room.
  • My boyfriend and I shared said hotel room with my little brother, and no one was overtly skeeved out.

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