Weird-o-matic

I do not really know anything about Weirdomatic.com, but it apparently has a page with tons of creepy ads. I like these because advertisers work so hard to be convincing and manipulative, but then, 40 or 50 years later, their work just seems silly or offensive. Sometimes ads seem offensive at the time, too - remember the ad that ran during the Super Bowl, with the panda with the "Asian" accent? That was kind of comically offensive, but these are pretty much just comical.

I feel a lot of affection for this guy. I would be that proper if I were a carrot, too.

I am pretty grossed out by this one. I mean, yes. Obviously.

And I do not even know what to say about this one. In case you cannot see it well, it is suggesting that your husband will feel more fulfilled if you flush out your lady parts WITH LYSOL.

There are also people made out of PBR ribbons, lots of drug-your-children-and-senile-parents ads, and my favorite, The Creepiest Girl in the World.

 I think she is not craving jelly on bread, but rather human flesh.

Little Teeth

I have a favorite San Francisco band of which my boyfriend is not a member, and that band is Little Teeth. They had a CD launch party last Sunday, and it was sublime. If you like shrieking, drums and banjos, and singers who strap percussion instruments to their legs and stomp around, you should really look at their MySpace page. They are about to go on tour, and it would be well worth your while to attend their show if you live in Portland, Boston, New York, or one of the other places they are playing.

I'm looking at you, Ms. Snowdon. PA's Lounge!

Little Teeth sound like muppets on hard drugs let loose in a music store. And that is why I love them.

Hihihi

The one and only Hilary Jaffe is in town this weekend! If you would like to see her face, let me know, because we will be out and about.

First stop: free tickets to "Battle in Seattle" tonight. And open bar!

Mr. Bernanke is making history.

I mean, duh. But who knew, when he was our superintendent and neighbor, that he'd be spearheading some of the most drastic governmental financial interventions in U.S. history? There's Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac being nationalized, there's Lehman Brothers with their record-setting bankruptcy filing, and there's the AIG loan.

From the (you guessed it) NYT:

"The Fed has the option to purchase up to 80 percent of the shares of A.I.G., is replacing A.I.G.’s management, and is nearly wiping out A.I.G.’s existing shareholders. A.I.G. is to be wound down by selling its assets over the next two years...The Fed has never asserted its authority to intervene on this scale, in this form, or in a firm so far removed from its own supervisory authority."

Way to go, Ben!

Or, in ten years, pick the correct final sentence:

A) Way to go, Ben! (genuine)

B) Way to go, Ben! (sarcastic)

An article not by Gail Collins!

I understand if you don't want to read an article that both starts and ends with Coldplay quotes, but there is one interesting nugget in this NYT piece by Roger Cohen: a call to support a bank that aims "to use public and private capital to give coherence to a vast program of public works". 

Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Pinky? If we're going to resurrect the W.P.A., shouldn't it be to support renewable energy research? Infrastructure + jobs + the industry of the future = happy Estadounidenses.

And despite the fact that I know it's a copout: if you want us to go into public service, Real Grownups, how about you stop saddling us with terrifying amounts of college loans? Debt isn't really a great motivator to dedicate one's life to low-paying but good-feeling jobs.

Couldn't help myself.

Search showdown

Maybe other people knew about it, but a Canadian book marketer had to tell me about Google Insights for Search, which shows (and compares) search volume for any terms you set.

I just settled the bear vs shark debate. Bear totally won.

If I weren't so tall, it wouldn't be a big deal.

I just thought I'd lost my glasses, but they were nestled in the bottom of my jacket pocket. I am less concerned about my forgetfulness than that my head is the width of my pocket.

I knew my head was tiny, but that is just ridiculous.

Me in a nutshell

I am a Meyers-Briggs ENTP, apparently. Now I get to spend the rest of the day finding out what that means. My 15 coworkers are already arguing over which personality type is coolest.

She scares the bejeebers out of me.

Ok, so I have totally been enjoying the Palin bloodbath that is the New York Times' editorial section right now. She's dumb! She's impulsive! She's Bush 2.0! I have been eating that shit up.

But now I've got something even better: a beautifully-researched article that has quotes from her supporters that are damning.

"In Wasilla, a builder said he complained to Mayor Palin when the city attorney put a stop-work order on his housing project. She responded, he said, by engineering the attorney’s firing."

And this, from her campaign manager from her first mayoral race:

“'Sarah said she didn’t need to read that stuff,' Ms. Chase said. 'It was disturbing that someone would be willing to remove a book from the library and she didn’t even read it.'

'I’m still proud of Sarah,” she added, “but she scares the bejeebers out of me.'”

Sunday morning haul

From the farmer's market:

• a quart of organic apple cider
  
• a big bunch of pink peonies
  
• a strawberry-ollalieberry pie
  
• a pack of fresh cheddar-garlic breadsticks
  

From the sidewalk sale:

• two gorgeous metal tile picture frames, in blue and green

From Mojo:

• a large soy chai
  
• a medium nonfat mocha
  
• a toasted garlic bagel with butter
  
• a bowl of vanilla yogurt with granola and fresh berries
  
• the sense that even though you're doing work on a Sunday, at least you're in good company
  

Oh, God love ya, what am I talking about?

This article on Joe Biden's verbal gaffes is such a beautiful thing. I really hope he doesn't screw up too bad in the VP debate, but at least if he does, it'll be hilarious.

You can run your mouth off and still be a politician? Hm, maybe I should think about law school after all.

Only a little bit like a Julia Roberts movie.

As previously stated, Sunday night I took the red eye to New York. For my best friend's wedding. On a week's notice. From some stupid reason I wore heels, and so spent most of lunch assuring her extended family, who I have known since I was 9, that I have not actually had another growth spurt. 

The lunch was a really good mix of hey-we're-married! and Don't

 Worry it's Not Really Real Until the Big Party in April. It allowed me to have teary moments of both panic and joy, without one or the other making me into a total mess. Stef looked beautiful and happy. Here she is with her husband (!!!!):

I forgot my goddam camera, so I made do with my phone. Not ideal, but better than nothing, because I got some great moments, like when Nathan's dad read an unbelievably cheesy and sweet poem he had written. It was in rhyming couplets. I wish I could remember more of it, but it was along the lines of,

When you were a baby and looked up at me,

I wondered what you would grow up to be.

When you were a toddler and skinned your knee,

I wondered what you would grow up to be.

Etc, up to the present day. Ok I butchered it, but you get the idea - totally adorable. The reactions around the table were priceless.

Stef's dad gave a great speech too, and because it was 3 p.m. and I was 3 gin and tonics in, I thought that my official role as Oldest Friend should probably be acknowledged, but luckily no one paid attention to me and so I was not allowed to make an ass of myself.

As a side note, one of Stef's friends tried to convince me that all you need to do to be really skinny is eat cheese and meat. Are people really still doing that? Even if they do get skinny, don't they worry about how gross that is?

Still, when I met friends for tapas that night, I ate mostly meat and cheese. But that was mostly coincidental. Mostly.

Oooooooookay

It is time that I talked about the farm again, because it is a lovely place to be, and because I took pictures of vegetables that I am sure you cannot live without. Also, we saw Willie Nelson play at a vineyard on Friday, and I want to brag about that.

The drive out to Sonora is supposed to be only 2 1/2 hours, but that is if you don't take into account the hell that is the Dublin-Livermore-Stockton corridor. I don't know why there are so many people out there, and I don't know why they are always in their cars, but they need to stop being in my way because it makes me angry. Luckily I had a few "This American Life" episodes on my phone, so we listened to those and the time passed. Slowly.

By the time we got to the Sonora area the sun was setting, and because we were in the foothills, looking down on the hazy traffic hellhole from which we had come, the sunset was glorious. By the time we got to the vineyard to meet Katie and Larry it was night, and we parked in a big dusty field a la my hometown fireworks, for which we always parked in the St. Charles corn field. (There is a really good story associated with this fireworks parking lot, but it involves my mom laying the smack down on a mother for hitting her child, and is better told in person.)

So we saw Willie Nelson, and he was great. He played almost everything we wanted him to play, except no "Stay a Little Longer" for me, and no "Pancho and Lefty" for Mike. Our disappointment was hard to hold onto, though, because Katie told us

THAT SHE IS PREGNANT!!!!

She totally is, just over a month in. Larry thinks it is twins, and I will not even tell you why he thinks he knows that. Aside from talking about bebbes all weekend, we also worked the market, and watched a lot of football.

Obligatory farmer's market shots:

We also went out for a fabulous meal, and ate pizza, and played with Sampson, who is now a Big Boy. It was lovely and wholesome and relaxing, and I think Mike has dreams of dropping everything and moving out there. An idea which Larry and Katie would probably not support, as I am neither a particularly good farmer or babysitter. I sure am good at drinking beer and watching football, though.

A final photo. Please note Larry's hand on the soon-to-be baby bump. Well done, K & L!

I've said it before

And I'll say it again: I love Gail Collins. She sure makes me feel better.

Also, I agree with her about the moose.

Thank god I have an Irish passport too.

Just as a reminder that I do not have to stay in this country if I don't want to. And I may not want to, because I just cannot handle hearing about Sarah Palin anymore, seriously I am not kidding I may just barf all over their Franken-feminist, crazy-conservative, book-banning, secessionist, "abstinence-promoting", ANWAR-drilling nutjob of a candidate.

The rage, oh the rage. I can't read the NYT, I can't listen to NPR, and I sure as shootin' can't pay attention to anything more right wing - not that I would, anyway. 

Does anyone else just want to beat their chest and projectile vomit and go ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh all over this campaign cycle?

UPDATE: There are some good articles on Palin from Gloria Steinem in the LA Times and Eve Ensler in the Huffington Post.