I just managed to

• Cut myself rather badly with my fancy new chopping knife for the first time. I knew this day would come.
• Send a few heartfelt emails that would have been letters or carrier-pigeon missives in the olden days.
• Email with a hero of mine after drinking a few glasses of wine (see: cutting myself) in a way that wasn't pathetic, I think.
• Cook up a large pot of tomato sauce.
• Add some of my parents' homemade maple syrup to the tomato sauce to cut the salt. This may have been a bad call.
• Install an air freshener thing that gives off pheromones and is supposed to keep Little Dude from being too feisty and attacking Ezzie all the time.
• Yell at Ezzie for being a weenus.
• Have my mind blown by Babes of NPR. Be prepared. I will never recover from seeing Diane Rehm (or the skinny Paula Deen, as I am now calling her).