Gerry, we need to talk. Or email.

Gerry Brennan, you are driving me nuts. I am sure you are one of the motherland's finest headstone engravers, but you need new business cards or something, because I am getting weekly emails from people with specifications for their loved ones' gravestones. Today it was for Ireland's first ombudsman, who apparently had a long and fruitful life, a loving daughter, and a job title that I just cannot take seriously.

Aside from the strangeness of getting emails with subject lines like "Gravestone specifications", the primary problem with this situation is the response - do I just delete the email? No, because who knows how long it would take before they call Gerry to ask why he hasn't written back. So what do I write? So far, I've stuck with, "I'm afraid you have an incorrect email address. My condolences." It feels weird to throw in that last bit, but I can't not acknowledge the fact that this is some weighty stuff they're working with.

The worst part is, I don't know his correct address, so I can't write to him and tell him to knock it off. Gerry, Gerry, Gerry - what am I going to do with you?